Saturday, December 15, 2007

was I asleep when the apocolypse occurred? And why I hate nickleback

Why Nickleback? Really you're into this? Really Creed? Train really? What is going on, did I miss something or did rock bands decide to let these ass clowns just walk all over decades of good quality music.

Now I'm not saying that you have to be some hardcore metal head or some "Enter Sandman" living, "Hot for the Teacher" rocker, but come on "arms wide open?"

If I have to ever hear this line again, "Look at this photograph, ever time it makes me laugh" I'll effing take a school bus full of nuns hostage and drive it into a Panda Bear orphanage. Arrgh!!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

You Ask Me How I am

I need sleep tonight, I've had a hard time. Without making public comments to the world and being mindful of the thoughts of those who I love, specifically my friends and family, I will keep the recent events in my life ambiguous as to not offend or draw improper thoughts or perceptions. Needless to say this has been the most difficult time in my life. I have gone through a gambit of emotions, I have shared some with those of you and withheld some for my own comfort and the respect of those involved. I want to take this opportunity to elaborate on my feelings.

First, I have a great sense of relief about my new beginning. I have come to this decision with the help of my Heavenly Father. I have struggled for years with feeling of dejection and inadequacy. I know that as I made public my intent, these feelings have began to flee. I am a more confident and hopeful man.

Second, as my comfort has been confirmed by my Heavenly Father, I also have received some certain and immediate blessings. These blessing have resulted in a renewed desire for life, a rededication to the Lord as well as a resolve to find happiness in eternal covenants again. Those close to me have seen the immediate happiness that this has created. Some may question the timing of such emotions and decision, even go so far as question the calculated timeline in which it has occurred. In keeping with my initial desire not to specify this life moment I will trust in my friends that they know I can converse with God, He does speak to me, and the actions that I am taking are not in haste but in accordance with my mind, spirit and heart and are supported by revelation.

Third, I am concerned for the welfare of my friends and family as these events are transpiring. As I have found relief and hope renewed, I have turned my focus to the well being of others. I am okay, more than that I am happy. My concern is more for you. I worry that you may create perceptions that frustrate you, that worry you and may leave you in a state of judgement that you do not need to pursue. Trust in my ability to rely on my Heavenly Father and know that the fruits of my actions will be justified in time. Not only justified but provide me and you and our family a better life. I know what I am doing, God knows it, believe me we have spoken on this matter and he has allowed me to pursue my new life.

Finally, I love you. I love you for the support, the perspective, the warnings, the pleadings, for all of your effort. Your care and thought toward me shows me that you truly love me. Thank you.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

This one goes out to you Cathy Barragan (and Toblerone too...oh yeah and I guess that Joel guy although he wasn't mentioned much)

Thought about this one, maybe just for a second. Well anyway I was inspired tonight just to write for a minute or two, who knows it could be months without returning here. My first and second posts were separated by days. Anyway my sister Cathy and I spoke briefly today about the subject of blogging, by the way, I've been really self conscious about myself in recent years and haven't been happy about photos. Craig took this one this past weekend and I liked it so it'll become a theme pic. I think it will be utilized when I'm pondering, pontificating or pensively alliterating my sentences out. So back to me and Cathy. Cathy made mention that she doesn't quite get blogs, they're suppose to be almost an online journal of our thoughts, feelings, etc. I agreed, she then went on to say how does one allow themselves to become that intimate with the readers on the world wide web. I answered simply that the author can edit their words, hold back from disclosing too much. In retrospect I can't help but think of how sincere a statement Cathy made. She sees a entry as a personal look at her self, completely exposed perhaps to all around. I don't think I could ever be that vulnerable but man she made me think.

I don't remember who I was talking to about this the other day and I'm not saying it to conceal any information from you three valuable readers, I saying it because I don't remember, but there was a time when Cathy and I really struggled as brother and sister. I am so happy where we are at in our relationship right now and I am so happy that she is with her new husband Joel. It just sucks that she's all the way in Seattle and doesn't get to live near Toblerone any more.

So I've been on a tangent since the beginning, apologies. It is a bit late and I'm getting tired. I just wanted to write something more and I think that this blog turned into the conversation with Cathy, reserved words because of whatever. I'll try my best not to censor my blogs, in the future at least. I'm realizing that with each word I'm playing a bit of a hipicritical role. Haven't been the happiest lately, I did go to Utah to see Craig and friends (Alex, Brooke, Dave, Gordon, Grant, Heather, Poopsie and others) notice I put those I remembered in alphabetical order as to not offend. Craig got his own mention cause let's face it I wouldn't know this band of misfits without him. It was refreshing, it was freeing. I feel like when I visit I reclaim a part of my past that I miss tremdously. Not that my current friends aren't great mind you, but I really do long for these friends and this environment. Craig has and will always be my shelter from reality. I'm getting tired right at the point where I could go on. Blogs should be short though and often, keep you three out there on the hook for more. Please post comments and let me know how to attch others to my blog site. I noticed Craig and Brooke have me on there site and I don't know how to reciprocate that. Awesome.

Lymie Beans!!!!!

Note the picture. You know what that means, yes you do!! So here's the story of why I can't eat beans. It all started with a Lima bean, now prior to the Lima bean incident I call vaguely recall eating burritos from the Taco Bell in Pacifica, Ca (They were listed as the number 8 fast food restaurant in the world on Travel network because of there oceanside walk up window).

Anyhow when I was about six or so my siblings and I were eating with my parents and one of the options on our plate, and now as I write about it I suppose it wasn't an option but a requirement to consume Lima beans. Now for some reason and the reason is being finicky, I decided to take a stand and not consume said legume. Well to my surprise as a post dinner treat we were having Strawberry Shortcake. I did not recall ever having this dessert before and it's presentation was impeccable (my father Nestor Barragan prides himself on great food and greater presentation). Now as I was taking a Caesar Chavez approach (and now contemplating my choice of protesters, what a curious coincidence) my father had decided to make this a learning moment for not only me, the eldest but in breaking his first born he would send a message to the rest of his offspring "don't f with dad". I remember in bits and pieces, as memories often are recalled, I was standing in the kitchen looking at my father. In one hand he held a fork with a single lima bean and in the other the plated Shortcake. The cake with its whipping cream and fresh strawberries hovered over the sink. My father gave me a final choice, eat the bean or your dessert goes down the drain. With all confidence, I knew, I KNEW, he was not going to throw away my dessert. In a final act of defiance I shouted "No!!!" Then in slow motion my father tipped the plate over and the Shortcake dropped into the drain. In a Luke Skywalker plead I screamed "That's not true, that's impossible" or at least wanted to. Rather I just watched on as I got my ass handed to me by my father.

So what came of this lesson in life. I grew to resent all of the legume family, so much so that I began to have psychosomatic reactions to beans. During a two year mission, I was hospitalized after a chili incident. Now I love Mexican, but beans I do not do. No frijoles gracias. I do everything in my power to avoid beans. Every so often I will find the proverbial pea under the mattress (surprisingly I like peas, especially split pea soup). That is my story about the bean.

The Royal Barragans

This picture is of the Barragan children when we attended Disneyland for the second time. This post's intention is to introduce this picture as a classifier of all childhood memories. Because our ages at one point were 4-Chris, 3-John, 2-Cathy, and 1-Michael. Practically every memory of childhood I can recall has one of these three in it. Please note the matching Adidas pullovers, they were actually part of a sweat suit that included matching sweat pants. We went to an Oakland A's game and they were giving these out to the first ten thousand kids. Since the A's only drew about thirteen thousand total in those days (they draw well over eighteen thousand now) we now had uniforms for our family. This was actually pretty nice because they replaced numbered outfits our parents had made by using iron-on decals and those sports tees with the different color sleeves. Getting back to the sweat suits, what the hell?! You never get that kind of hand out anymore at baseball games, a complete wardrobe?! It's not like the ticket prices have stayed the same, it was like three dollars to watch a game and they gave you everything as a promotion. I remember a Giants game where everyone in the stadium got full size Coca-Cola bats. That didn't last too long though as fans, disgruntled by the Giants of the mid 80's, would get drunk and turn on fellow spectators, "What can I use to vent my frustration about Candy Maldonado's missed fly ball? Oh that's right the 33 inch Louisville Slugger with the Soda Pop logo should take care of Dodger Fan." So as mentioned before the tangent, this photo will serve as a classifier of everything youthful in my life. Till next time.

Saturday, November 10, 2007


So I suppose this begins my journey as a independent blogger. I've followed my friend Craig Tovey once again down a path that I will hope to find some enjoyment in. The picture above is my favorite of me, it hearkens back to a day when I was not so chubby and my sister decided that the angle worked well for me. (By the way this blogging tool spell checks for you and I decided to add "Tovey" to the dictionary)

I guess with blogging these days people everywhere trying to say something that others will have interest in. Most blogs I've noticed are trying really hard to be quick witted and incorporate obscure pop culture like "Voltron" to seem hip. I'm not saying I won't use that method as well in fact I may use those approaches. In fact if I were to take a deep look into my skill set I would find that pop culture and an attitude for the hip are really two of my stronger desires.

That being said, this initial blog is more or less just a simple "hello", "I'm here" and that I look forward to at least three weeks of dedicated blogging followed by intermittent visits to this website followed by a long lapse in posts then a short resurrection of interest and finally an end all together to it and a new profile on friendster or something.